This might be more of a question than a firm opinion, because honestly—I haven’t figured it out yet.
We’re at a point where we clearly see our son’s potential in soccer. He’s talented, he enjoys it, and we know what it takes to develop that potential. But as a 10-year-old, he doesn’t necessarily share our vision of what it takes outside of team practices and games. The personal drive to practice on his own, to go the extra mile? It’s just not there.
So now we’re asking ourselves: What’s the balance? How do we encourage him without pushing too hard—or not pushing enough?
The Struggle Between Pushing and Letting Go
Every kid is different. Every parent is different. There’s no single formula that works for every situation. But one thing I do recognize is that my son thrives on quality time. He’s social, he wants to do things with someone, and telling him to go out and practice on his own doesn’t light that fire.
So maybe, at least for this kid, it’s going to take more discipline from me than from him. It reminds me of potty training—where the responsibility was more on me as a parent to create consistency and opportunity than it was on him to just figure it out.
If I want him to run for conditioning, does that mean I need to get out there and run with him? If I want him to work on footwork, does that mean I need to be there guiding him through drills instead of just expecting him to do it on his own?
Or—do we take a step back? If he’s not willing to push himself, is club soccer the right place for him? Would stepping down to a less intense commitment, like recreational soccer, make more sense?
The Bigger Question: Does He Have a Vision?
I keep coming back to this idea of vision. Does he even have a clear picture of what it means to excel in soccer? Does he see where hard work could take him? And if not, would having that vision change his motivation?
I don’t have the answers yet. But I do know that for this kid, it seems like the key to pushing him is walking alongside him—not just telling him what to do, but showing up with him as he does it.
So, for the parents out there—how do you handle this? How do you encourage your kids to push toward their potential without pushing them too hard? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
